The A word

I remember it like it was yesterday. It’s a moment that I know as long as I live, I will never forget. I was at the dentist office, getting my teeth cleaned. I asked to break when the doctor called knowing it was an important call that I had been anxiously awaiting. We went back and forth a little bit before she said it. Out loud. Over the phone. On a Thursday at 9:30 in the morning. “It sounds like Haven has autism.” Autism…

At times my mind had wandered there, the hard days that dragged into nights, where i found myself crying on the couch googling everything under the sun. The times that the never-ceasing dull pain in my chest telling me something just wasn’t right would thump a little louder. Every time I talked myself out of it. “She’s just a baby, this is just a hard time for her, it’s just her teeth or her ears.”

The bad days were becoming more prevalent though, it seemed every time I turned around it was another melt down. We couldn’t do our normal activities anymore. Library class, play dates, picking Mia up from school, the store. It all ended in lots of tears for all of us. I felt like a failure, I knew my child wasn’t thriving, I knew she wasn’t reaching her full potential and I, as her mother, did not know what to do or how to get her there. I just knew something wasn’t right. Almost everyone brushed it off, all I heard was “oh she’ll grow out of it, that’s normal, I’m sure she’s fine,” It was easily one of the hardest and loneliest times of my life. Honestly since this journey began it has been the entire time. I was lucky enough to have a few close family and friends that believed in my intuition and encouraged me to fight for my child. Which is exactly what I have done every day since we started this journey.

Here we are six months later, we don’t have all the answers but many of the blanks have been filled. Haven has been diagnosed with SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder), anxiety, and is considered HFA (High Functioning Autistic) We currently do Occupational Therapy twice a week, Speech Therapy once a week, and Developmental Therapy once a week. It’s all a lot and quite overwhelming at times but for Haven early intervention is her absolute best chance at learning to live as normal as possible and to thrive in a world that is so overwhelming and scary for her little, beautiful, bright, quirky self.

I am thankful my momma taught me to fight, this has easily been the biggest fight and the hardest thing I have ever gone through but as Havens momma and her only voice I promise to fight for her every single day. I know it won’t always be easy but she is so so worth it. My hopes in writing this blog is to maybe help another mom that feels as lost as I have on this journey, to fill in the important family and friends that I haven’t been able to talk to about our journey and to inform others. Ignorance and uniformed people that dont know how to deal with Autism and SPD make a big impact in our day to day lives. I hope to help others to see the bigger picture and learn how to successfully contribute and interact with these kiddos, so bare with me. I dont know how often I will post and some people may not always like what I have to say.

To those that already know these things and have been by our sides during these tough months, thank you, thank you, thank you! We really do have the best village.




3 thoughts on “The A word

  1. Thank you for sharing. You are a fearless mama that I very much admire. My family stands by you & your family on this journey & I look forward to future posts. Much love 💜

    Liked by 1 person

  2. So glad you were proactive. So many parents do push it under the rug. She needs you now more then ever. The best thing you can do is give her all the resources she needs. It’s so good yoy figured out the start of it now..someone close to me still doesn’t want to face certain things others see. Some think it’s embarrassing, I think speaking about it saying it …. that’s empowering. The world has a big plan for that little girl.

    Liked by 1 person

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