You can’t pour from an empty cup. Take care of your self first.  Those words have never rang more true to me than they did last week. My cup was empty, honestly, my cup was shattered on the floor along with the rest of me. Just waiting for someone to fix it and fill it. Yet still day in and day out I continued to try to pour from it.

I hit rock bottom last week. That worst day ever that I wrote about in my last post, well it was followed by 2 more just as bad. I spent most of my days crying. Sometimes I wouldn’t even know why I was crying, I just couldn’t stop. I hurt. Everywhere. I know that sounds pathetic. I felt it. I felt depression creeping in and I hated it. I hated myself. I have two of the most beautiful, amazing girls in the world and a man that loves and adores us. Yet I was so broken. My cup was empty. I knew something had to give. I prayed to God to help me get through. To fill me back up. Day by day, he’s done just that.

 My friends that sent me words of encouragement and listened to me complain about how hard and unfair life is, and never passed judgment, they filled my cup. My grandma who reminded me that even on my worst, hard days that my girls are so lucky and loved, and that God was with me, she filled my cup. The warm home cooked meal on my front porch from my Grandma after a long weekend of work, she filled my cup, and our bellies. The acquaintances that aren’t close friends but care and left words of encouragement and love, they filled my cup. A night out, laughing with co workers and forgetting all the hard and scary, that filled my cup. The doctors and therapists that listened, concerned and ready to help in any way they could, they filled my cup. My boyfriend who loves me even when I ugly cry, when I’m hangry, stressed to the max and he gets the short end of it, he fills my cup. And my girls, who love me unconditionally, even when I’m not super mom, when I can’t fix and do it all, they so SO fill my cup. But more importantly, I filled my cup.

I FILLED MY CUP. Me. I gave myself some grace this week. I made a conscious effort to not stress about the never ending mess of the house, and the never ending worry. I took time to enjoy Matthew and the girls more, to live in the moments with them. To take each day, day by day. I asked for help (which I am the worst at) so I could have “me time” and go to yoga. I worshiped my body, I stood, body twisted in tears as the instructor reminded me to love myself. Love my body. Respect myself and my body. Free my mind and my worries and fears and just breathe. It was like she was speaking to my soul. I absolutely cannot be the best mother possible to my girls when I’m empty. I cannot be the best girl friend and friend when I’m empty. I’ve been running on no sleep, coffee, rush rush rush, fear and adrenaline for so long I forgot about myself. I forgot there was a Taylor inside of this momma. I owe it to myself and those around me to take time for myself. Even if that means asking others for some help. Even if that means a messier house than I’d like. 

You can’t pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first. I don’t know about that first part, my girls will always be first. But I vow to take care of myself. I am worth it. 

If you help filled my cup this week, thank you. I needed you. I love and appreciate all of you. 

xoxo

Taylor

These pretty girls have a tough month coming up. Mia has surgery the 24th and Haven goes for a sedated MRI and EEG the 30th. Good vibes and prayers appreciated.