Wow what a week it has been. My mind is still spinning from all that has happened lately. Matthew has been out of town for work so it’s just been the girls and I. We’ve all have had a cold that’s been kicking our butts. I swear its just been one thing after another. The girls and I spent most of the weekend recovering from our week. We put the tree up yesterday, started our advent calendar (a day late) and Mia and I ended our night with a mommy and Mia date night. All so very needed after this week.

I know most of you know the girls and I were involved in an accident earlier this week. Someone hit us, as we were coming home from picking Mia up from school. I literally felt my girls lives lflash in slow motion as I watched it happening and knew there was nothing I could do. The panic and fear that took over my body was indescribable. I could see my girls crying, Haven screaming in hysterics and I was literally frozen. Just sobbing and heaving. Wondering if she was screaming from pain or fear. In compete shock as people started flooding around us. I’m very thankful for the first responders and many of the bystanders, I couldn’t function and they did many of the things I was unable to do for me. I am struggling to not let myself be completely consumed with anger towards the woman that hit us. She said she couldn’t see, so she just gunned it. What a terrible, reckless, selfish excuse. That’s like me saying I couldn’t afford the Louis I’ve been eyeing, so I just took it. Totally not acceptable. She was completely unaccountable and lacked remorse for her actions. For the fact that she could have killed both of my girls, but especially Haven. Every day since I’ve found out Haven had Chiari, car accidents have been at the top of our list of concerns. She has instability in her neck and her chance of being internally decapitated is a real life worry, not just that but we’re not even 6 months out from surgery. A blow like that could mess up everything we’ve worked so hard to fix. Haven had to be sedated and required a CT which we try so hard to avoid due to the extremely high radiation levels of CTs, it was all very traumatic for my sweet girl who already fears hospitals and doctors. Right now I hate that lady. I know that’s not the right way, or Godly way to feel but that’s the real way I feel and I hate that too. In the same breath I also feel extremely grateful though. I know I praise an awesome God. I know I have a handful of the best angels watching over us. For that I am thankful, we had very sore bodies but I got to go home with my babies in one piece.

Haven has been in ABA for about 6 weeks now, she’s started to get more comfortable with all of the ladies there and most days goes without complaint, and is so excited to see Matt or I at the end of the day. For awhile she was doing pre-K and ABA but as of this week she is now full time ABA. She is making leaps and bounds there and learning so much. Haven has pretty intense separation anxiety and ABA has definitely eased that some. She knows that momma will come back for her. She’s starting to get more comfortable there so they have begun to get a taste of what I often deal with at home. She has been fortunate enough to have the whole building and all the ladies to herself so far, but there will be more kiddos coming soon so it will be interesting to see how she transitions into not being their only focus. Anyone that follows us knows I’ve been pretty on the fence about ABA for the last year but so far I think it has been very good for Haven. They have set goals and plans for her and work on many of her struggles. I am in constant communication with her therapists and I always have the final say if there’s something I do not agree with or do not want to change. Which so far hasn’t been an issue, thankfully. I’m happy I have kept an open mind about different treatments for Haven, I don’t love all the hours that ABA requires and by the time Haven gets home she is so exhausted and mentally and emotionally spent from trying so hard all day that she’s usually very hard to appease and our nights are rough but I’m hoping that will get easier, for all of our sakes.

I know some of you know, but many of you don’t know that about two months ago I made a very tough decision to walk away from Applebee’s. I had been there going on 9 years, I have friends there that have grown into family, I’ve carried two babies and lost one there, I met Adam and Evan there who both forever molded my life, I have regulars there that have shared in many of my girls and my own triumphs and falls, I’ve had some great times and some terrible times there, I loved serving. It was a nice getaway from our hectic life and the money couldn’t be beat, but it wasn’t what it used to be. There were some issues there that were making work unbearable, and with dealing with what I deal with at home and then going in to a place that was literally sucking what life I had left, out of me, all while missing so much time with my girls, it just wasn’t worth it anymore. I had to walk away. That was a terrifying thing for me to do, way out of my comfort zone, Applebee’s is basically all i have ever known but it has been such a nice, much needed break. My girls were both struggling with me being gone many nights and I can tell a difference in them, especially Mia, now that I’m home more and our life is a little more structured. I spend all week long running Haven to and from therapy and appointments, Friday mornings I help out in Mia’s class (which I love) and in my spare time I help Matt out with the league and running when I’m needed. Matt and I have been able to make more time for date nights and our relationship in general, which has definitely strengthened us. Although I miss the adult interaction and seeing a couple of my girl friends more, it is nice to be able to focus on my family more. My girls are growing so fast, they are only babies for a small time, I want to be able to be there for every single moment now. I’m thankful for a boyfriend who always supports my girls and I and what’s best for us.

I am asking for prayers and good vibes for my Mia. About a year ago our NP discovered a heart murmur in Mia, she had an echo done and they discovered that Mia has a congenital heart disease, more particularly an ASD, also known as an Atrial Septal Defect. Atrial Septal Defect is a hole in the wall that separates the top two chambers of the heart. We have kept an eye on it over the last year, last Monday she had another Echo done and her hole has grown by 25%. Not the news we were hoping for, so next Month we will see the pediatric cardiologist that has been following Mia’s case to see what he thinks is the necessary next steps. I am trying to stay calm and positive. Having one child who has already had brain surgery this year and it being so traumatic, I cannot even think about my other baby having heart surgery. I believe strongly in the power of prayer. So please say one for my Mia bug.

Thanksgiving has come and gone and it was so much harder than I thought it would be. This year was my families first year without my grandma. You could feel the sorrow in the room, and when it was time for prayer there wasn’t a dry eye. We were blessed to have my grandma for as long as we did. She truly was the best, most perfect woman this world has known. I know she was smiling down on all of us, and happy we were together, but Holidays will not be the same without her, her no-bakes and fudge, her telling me I was going to get fat for eating three rolls, and the pure joy that radiated from her smile watching her family laugh and love together. Cherish who you have, hug them tight and tell them you love them.

As always, be the good y’all.

xoxo

Taylor