To the medical professional who demanded I calm my Autistic child during a meltdown

I want to preface this by saying this woman was not our doctor, our doctors had just spent a bit of the time before praising me for making sure all Havens needs were being met in every aspect and reminding me to take breaks and use respite as often as I could to keep myself healthy and going. We have gone to this practice for years. They are constantly reminding me to fill my own cup. The talks we had today brought me to tears going over with my boyfriend. Although I love our doctors, we may be searching for a new geneticist as I refuse to support any practice that houses a “doctor” like this one. This was a doctor in the room next door. Haven was apparently disrupting her practice.

“Shame on you and what an embarrassment you are to not only women and mothers, but to the medical community you represent. That child you thoughtlessly told me I needed to calm down and contain because she was interfering with your patients has been through more in her 4 and a half years of living than you could imagine. She’s spent 12 days in a hospital after having part of her brain, skull, and spine removed. A week inpatient alone for a tonsillectomy, not to mention almost dying of sepsis after a month long battle with Staph and Sepsis. Her entire body was covered head to toe in not only burns but literally scalded, peeling skin. That child is not only autistic, but has extreme PTSD from the mental and physical trauma her brain and body has endured. Not only that but we had just waited an hour just to see our doctors, and we we’re on hour two by the time you attempted to rudely intervene. She hadn’t had lunch, was scared to death of the medical world closing in around her, and struggling in every single sense of the word to cope. If you think I enjoyed being screamed at by my baby I have fought so God damn hard for while being punched in the face repeatedly and hadn’t tried every single way I had been TRAINED (yes trained, because I care enough to do so properly) to calm her you are grossly mistaken. If you know anything about autism or the behaviors that come with it there is no calming an autistic child at that point my child was at. The second we left and she was able to eat and be in her safe, comfort zone she came back to her happier, less shaken self. Shame on you for kicking a mother and child while they were down. Shame on you for not seeing the bigger picture. Your speciality may be genetics, but it is clearly not bedside manner or compassion.”

This unfortunately is not my first time dealing with someone in the medical world that clearly just doesn’t get it, whether it be Autism, Haven and her needs, or PTSD In general. I have always said that special needs training should be mandatory for anyone that has to come in contact with these kiddos but especially medical professionals. If you know better, you do better. Ignorance is bliss and unfortunately in this world I see it more often than not. I’ve had nurses and doctors sit on my daughter and force meds until she’s puked. I’ve had doctors, PA’s, and NP’s with the “I’m smart enough, stern enough, doctorate enough, whatever their big minds think, enough to make this child listen and mind and do exactly what I want them to do.” And then 99% of every single time, they admit defeat. It doesn’t matter who or what you are. That does not break Haven’s comfortability bearer, that doesn’t make her listen or mind, and it sure as hell doesn’t drown out the fear and trauma that baby has endured. You can have any and every degree on this planet and it still will not make you a compassionate understanding creature of God.

I know I have said it so many times before but we are so incredibly blessed, we have such an excellent immediate medical team, that sometimes i forget that professionals like this still exist. Havens personal Doctor and NPs know exactly what is coming when Haven comes in, they know what to expect and that it won’t be easy, they do their job as well and least invasively as possible as they can without completely setting Haven off if at all possible. And do you know what they do when they do set her off? They still show her and myself SO much love and grace. They do not fault Haven for her fears and disabilities. They know I do my best to help them do their job safely and they know they do their best to help me do mine and for that, I am forever grateful.

Today was hard. It broke me down in so many ways, sometimes I forget as a momma I can hurt this much. But in a way I needed today. I have struggled so hard lately to get my words out how i would like to, the pain of Havens last trauma still haunts me, as it is hard to come to terms with but today reminded my why I started this blog. What the purpose and goal was, documenting and sharing our lives and ups and downs in hopes of spreading love, acceptance, and awareness. And that I will keep doing, even when the the tears come easy and the words do not. Even when writing the words breaks my heart. Power is knowledge and I will not stop.

Be the good y’all, xoxo.


One thought on “To the medical professional who demanded I calm my Autistic child during a meltdown

  1. So sorry you had to deal with yet another “educated professional” without an ounce of compassion or knowledge of the situation, let alone professionalism that should be second nature for anyone in her field. Im guessing it was the doctor who was feeling put upon by the noise more than the patient but either way she handled it badly. If you aren’t coming in to help then I would think you would assume that your colleague who is ACTUALLY HAVENS CAREGIVER is aware of the situation and dealing with it as best as it can be dealt with, which as anyone familiar with the situation knows is not by having yet another stranger in a white coat treat her as an unruly brat rather the the traumatized child with legitimate medical issues that cause her to react this way. In all the years of schooling you would think there would be time to squeeze in a few lessons on dealing with the multitudes of Autistic children and even without that I would think someone with that level of education would, in the very least, know that it is not a discipline issue and you cant punish, spank or shame away the symptoms of a disease.


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