Hell of A Year

The words/ song that keep playing in my head when looking back on this year.

“I love this home but now I hate this house.” After almost ten years of renting the same duplex, I bought the girls and I our first house with hopes of it becoming a home. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit it was months of hell from the start. There was a period I wouldn’t even go in our house, paid rent and a mortgage simultaneously for a few months, when I would go in the house I would just sob. Once we finally moved in I didn’t sleep for weeks. I would have a flashlight out at 4 am searching every corner of the house. The problems straight out the gate were huge. And expensive. Being a single mom with no father/ male figure to help made it all that much more daunting. Thousands and thousands of dollars, so many tears, and 9 months later and I still don’t love our house but there’s moments I find it feeling more like a home.

The Girls and I went on so many adventures. Great Wolf Lodge, Chicago, Floriday, Disney, Las Vegas. We rode our bikes all over town, roller skated, scootered, I coached Haven in soccer, watched her do gymnastics and Mia dance and play basketball, art classes, church camp, and summer camp. Ate mass amounts of Scoops Ice Cream. Spent many nights on the Monument Patio. We made memories with some of our favorite friends and cousins. We watched a couple movies 😉 Our bucket list was ever growing and I felt we were never stopping. I love making memories with my girls, I love them trying everything and getting so many opportunities I never got. They are the best sidekicks to adventure through life with.

For all our good moments we had our share of bad. Mia had multiple procedures on her foot, only to end up with a broken foot shortly after. In True Haven fashion she had another surgery. Covid took another Thanksgiving from us with both the girls going down with it. Mia (and I) are navigating the preteen years which is so far not my favorite and challenging to say the least but I love watching her grow into a girl and not so much a child. As Haven grows life with her becomes harder and more terrifying. So many don’t have a clue. There’s so many days still where I don’t know how any of us are going to get through. Shes half my size. She puts up one hell of a fight. She’s cleared rooms, left Scars, and broken parts of my heart I didn’t know were there. I call her ABA therapist my spouse. She’s been through the worst of it with us. Moments I still can’t speak of because they’re too painful. Haven’s recently started new meds and we are headed to some different specialists to hopefully help us all have some better days. Special needs parenting is not for the faint of heart. So many days I sit here begging Jesus for it to be a little bit easier. But I remind myself (and Mia) as hard as it is for us it has to be so scary for Haven. As much as she drives us to our wits end she keeps us going and fighting for her. She so deserves it.

I turned 30. Walked away from people I never thought I could. Forgave people that never apologized, began to heal and love myself in some of my lowest lows. Had some of my absolute favorite memories and some of my worst. I bought a freaking house all on my own. Paid off my car. Raised these two beautiful babies while running a business. Watched the business I poured myself into Break records, raised almost 20 thousand dollars for a family I adore, gave away school supplies to hundreds of kids, sponsored families but more importantly cultivated safe family fun in our beautiful downtown.

Going into the new year our goals aren’t crazy. I want to practice more self love and filling my own cup, love this house more and keep making it a home, live more in the moment with my girls. Let go of the little things. The girls and I are looking forward to another Bucket List year, Texas in March, becoming an Auntie to My best friends sweet baby boy, adventuring as much as we can, spreading kindness where we see it’s needed, and hopefully some consistently easier and happier days. We hope the same for all of you ❤️ Thanks to those that continue on this journey with us.

It’s been a hell of a year.

xoxo Taylor

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s