Solely: Not involving anyone or anything else: only. Synonym: alone. For the first full year that I can remember it was Soley us. Just the girls and I. It’s easy to run from your trauma, problems, life in general and just bury yourself in someone, something else, honestly anything else. It’s hard as hell to sit with yourself. Work on your self. Work through your issues. Learn to cope in healthy ways. I’ve learned my constant need to be busy is a trauma response. Deliberately avoiding my trauma by throwing myself into constant overdrive. I’m not going to lie I’ve felt pretty sad and low a lot of the year, but I think that’s part of it when you are growing. It’s not All sunshine and rainbows, but the end result is worth it. I went to therapy. I spent most of the year sober. I sat with my pain. I put the hard work in. I focused solely on my girls, myself, and my job. A lot of the pain is still there but I am not the broken woman I was for so long. If you are struggling I encourage you to do the same. You deserve it, your kids deserve it.
Highs of the year: going to Texas with Lib and The girls, Great Wolf & Kalahari Trips, Chicago & Trump Tower, watching Haven grow and participate in her first gymnastics meet as well as meeting an Olympic gymnast, watching Mia play softball and All-stars wearing Evans number, performed in her first dance recital and ran a 5k, My brother living after his accident, my sweet best friend birthing my even sweeter nephew, winning an Ebbie, Hosting our first Sensory Movie at the Theater and many other amazing events/groups. The girls both had super fun birthday parties, My dear Jonny and I turning my house into a home. So many highs and feel good moments. We jam packed a lot of fun moments and outings into the last year and I can’t wait to do it again.
Lows: Havens diagnosis of TICS and the impact it has on our every day life, after all we’ve been through and overcome, this one really has been hard. It’s hard for me to understand that I put my newly 8 year old to bed for her to wake up with immense, chronic pain. No answers, explanations, or cure/relief in site. We are thankful for our team of specialists and Doctors but quite frankly it just sucks. Most days I have to take extra pain meds to Haven at school, many days she has to come home. Bed time is a nightmare, she still isn’t sleeping through the night and our nights our filled with lots of tears. Tics has been all consuming for us. Work came with many challenges this year. Running a business in a time of no workers and the movie business trying to make a comeback was HARD. Mia has had some of her own health issues lately that we are navigating. The lows felt so low at times but we made it. I guess it’s true when they say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
Goals for 2023: Continue my self love and growth. Have more patience, take better of my mind and body. Be more present with the girls and worry less. Setting boundaries for those in our lives that don’t make us feel good, my girls are beginning to identify these people and situations and that makes me want to protect them and our peace that much more. My main goal is for the three of us to continue growing and Being as healthy as we can in all aspects of our lives.
Our lives are not perfect but I am really proud of this life I’ve created for my girls. My childhood was a nightmare and I have worked so hard to break the cycle and for them to never to have to endure the things I did as a little girl. So much was taken from me and my life truly began when I had my girls. I am thankful they are able to pursue their pint sized dreams and really figure out who they are. Mia is now the same size as me and I’m pretty sure both the girls are already ahead of me in Math 😅 Having a preteen girl is not for the faint of heart but I love watching her become a young woman. My girls are both so smart and excelling at school. They amaze me daily.
We are looking forward to another fun year. We’re headed to Disney with our best friends in June. Mia will start middle school (ahhhh) and Haven will continue competing in gymnastics. We will continue being Brave and Kind and navigating through life’s trials and tribulations.
Thank you to those that follow along, cheer from afar, and offer strength and support when I need it the most. Sending everyone good vibes for the year ahead ❤️ xoxo Taylor